I smiled, and hugged him, hard, and told him I loved him, no matter what. God, I don’t know how I pulled the strength together to be okay that day. Saying the words out loud is like trying to speak a foreign language, even still. This was in August, and I’m still having a hard time even typing the words. I knew that was NOT it, and the look of horrified shock on his face told me I had done what needed to be done in order to move this along. I jokingly asked if he’d gotten a girl pregnant. I was bound and determined to get to the bottom of this, which was not unlike putting toothpaste back into the tube.Īfter several minutes of tears, and hesitation, and deep breaths, and him telling me he was sure I would hate him (I even told him I had a feeling I knew what he wanted to tell me, but that he was going to have to say the words), I needed to do or say something to relieve the tension. Wtf? I asked my husband to take our other son and go ahead, we’d meet up with them. Two days in, about to head to the beach as a family and get into our rented canoe, he asked me for another hug. He apologized for being depressed, and I told him that the fresh air and a week of campfires would do him good. We were nearly there, and he asked for a big hug, in a Walmart parking lot, as we picked up a couple of things. Things became serious when he wasn’t even looking forward to our trip. We went on our beloved camping trip this past summer. He began to wear this worried look on his face … well, maybe worry, with a look of guilt too.
I could not, for the life of me, figure it out. He was so quiet, I was getting tired of hearing myself ask him the same question over and over again, “Are you okay? Do you want to talk?” He always had plenty to Facetime his friends about, but God forbid his father or I try to make him laugh. We’ve always been supportive of his interests and decisions, and encouraging him in any way possible. We have these conversations at the dinner table nearly every night as a way to stay in touch and reconnect. I knew it couldn’t be us as parents, we were always telling him how proud of him we were (and are), always asking him about his day, what’s going on in his life. I was the same way in my adolescent years.
Then when I asked him one day, he didn’t like her “that way” anymore. They became close friends, went on dates to school dances. He had a crush on a classmate since grade one. Dependable, smart, trustworthy… there just aren’t enough positive adjectives to describe him. Very responsible kid we could trust him with a house key at 10, and watching his younger brother for maybe an hour when he was 11. I will never forget his obsession with weather, and how he had to set up a mini weather station out on our back deck.
He loved Thomas the Tank Engine, Transformers, and when he was fixated on something, he went ALL the way with it. I really want to believe he’s straight and it was a curiosity thing.He wasn’t a sporty kid, and although I always encouraged him to give it a try, to join a team he just wasn’t interested. Has anyone else found there husband looking at gay porn? I can’t be the only one. I just do think it’s messed up he looked at it but for now have to believe it was a one time thing. He would be way too embarrassed to ever do that. I don’t think he would leave me for a dude. I’m sure there’s lots of guys that scroll through videos of gay porn or trans porn or any kind for that matter. I truly believe he was watching out of curiosity rather than a turn on. And he has never been a jerk off to porn kind of guy. I really shouldn’t of gone through his tablet in the first place. I wasn’t around and couldn’t give him what he needed fine. He then chose to watch porn which to me is fine. I just didn’t have a great pregnancy and had a c section with my daughter so I haven’t been able to have sex for almost a year. I’m not sure if there are guys that have watched it.
Wasn’t just gay but also 3 somes, girl on girl but the dude stuff tripped me out.